I (M,29) have always been a loner of sorts, not that I'm socially awkward, but it's because my own personal space & 'me' time takes priority. I have no issues interacting & making friends, but I'm also the first one to head back home from any social gathering. (Hope you get the picture)
So, thing is, I miss the feeling of loving someone & being in a relationship but im sort of confused about whether I should get back to it or not.
I've been in relationships before but it's always been me that called them off because I missed being alone (and i've been an AH with the way I ended them- telling them out of the blue that I wanted some time to be alone).
My worry is that I will end up ending the relationship again after some time passes (my last relationship was for 4yrs). I don't want to be an AH & cause unnecessary hurt to the other person. At the same time I'm not looking for a fling or a one-nighter. I want a long term relationship but at the same time, I'm anti-marriage as of now because I feel like I won't be able to share a lifetime with someone else (cue my need for alone loner time).
The fact that most of my friends are female doesn't help because I do end up developing feelings for some of them. However, the thought that I will get tired & break up has put me off pursuing any relationship further as I'd rather remain close friends with them than pursue a relationship & lose both the relationship & friendship.
So, this is where I am as of now and I'm kinda curious as to whether anyone else feels the same. What would one say to this confused soul lol.