I have a full-time job. Today, I was busy. No time for lunch. No time to check personal emails or messages or update my friends about yesterday's online dating stories.
Driving home, I plugged in my phone--battery life was on "low power mode," and I started getting notifications galore. When I came to a "safe and complete stop," I checked my phone. I had some dating app "likes."
Confession. I don't like to deliver bad news. So....
I'm struggling with how to respond to "online guys" who aren't my type.
- Some have the most beautifully written profiles, but I don't find the writer attractive.
- Some guys ARE attractive, but their profile prose doesn't exist, is arrogant, too bawdy, too sexual...lots of reasons why their exteriors are more lovely than their hearts/souls/interiors.
- Some like the wrong college team. Sorry. I bleed burnt orange.
- Some guys simply don't smile or have not met my "non-negotiable" requirements.
Do I not respond or "ghost" guys that I'll never date? That seems rude.
Do I say "no thank you?" Awkward turtle.
Or, do I come up with a pleasant "thanks, but no thanks" response? That's my current plan.
"Thanks for the __________. Have a great week!" Insert "compliment, nice note, smile, heart, etc."
Today I did that. The guy to whom I responded was outside my age parameter, not attractive to me, and lived too far away. (I'm just not interested in long-distance romance or dating someone considerably older than me.)
I sent my boiler-plate "nice message," and he replied.
And that's where this gets INTERESTING and scandalous and "After School TV Special"ish.
A new character entered the story! I'll call her the "Scorned Woman." I immediately knew when I got a "Meet Me" alert that this profile name was BOLD.
It was "ILuv2CheatOnYou." I was intrigued. I would NEVER date someone with that as their dating handle, but curiosity. There were several photos, and it didn't click just yet.
The "About Me" part made me lean in....
The person writing this wasn't a dude looking for some action. It was a profile created to warn women about the guy who JUST MESSAGED ME.
The truth is stranger than fiction!
I'll let the pictures explain, but I was intrigued. And shocked. And sad. How hurt was the woman who had been swindled by this man; how guarded was her heart, yet she had lived and learned and perhaps recovered?
She was a bad-a** vigilante! A modern-day cartoon hero trying to defeat a villain.
She was wearing a white hat warning people about the black-hatted cowboy doing his normal thing--swindling women.
I blocked the guy, and again, he was too old and not my type, so I didn't fall prey to him, but WHAT IS THIS CRAZY WORLD?
I immediately realized--another blog post fell into my lap, yet I was a melancholy.
How can someone find a "good guy" in 2019? How do people who fall for catfishers or swindlers or not-right-for-me guys or gals learn to trust truly? Dating is truly a dance of deception. Let me explain. Life is a metaphor-- a series of locked boxes. You learn to unlock boxes one at a time while dating.
- Sometimes people want you to unlock a box more quickly than they are ready--don't pry the lock.
- Sometimes YOU will be asked to unlock a box before you are ready. Don't. You own the key to your heart, your mind, your thoughts, and your spirit.
- Sometimes there are MANY boxes and choices and it's overwhelming.
- Sometimes you open a box to find it empty.
- Sometimes there are no more boxes.
I had a wonderful person ask me once, "What if I open a box and there isn't anything there?" I replied, "Then that's an opportunity to fill it with something new."
I truly believe that's possible. It just has to be true.
May your dating experience(s) bring you more joy than sorrow; more trust than distrust; more laughter than pain.
Hang in there Dating World. Don't fall victim to pessimism. You have to trust that the right person is out there. It may take forever to find him/her, but don't. give. up.
And if someone breaks your heart, you can always warn others. A virtual high-five to the Woman Scorned Vigilante who "rescued me" today. She rocks.
What do you think readers? Is my suitor and "I Love to Cheat" the same guy? And, discuss.